Weird News: Beaten, bloodied, shirtless man offers bizarre story – Palm Beach Post
Magical thinking: A shirtless man who was sporting a black eye and blood on various parts of his body was discovered passed out in a plastic chair outside a residence in the 100 block of East Central Boulevard. Unconscious as officers approached, he managed to rally himself back to reality after being gently shaken a few times. Though there’s no guarantee any of it was true, the man began telling quite an interesting story. He claimed he’d been in Boca Raton and had fallen down, said that he was then picked up by an unknown person, placed in a vehicle, and finally driven up to and deposited in Lantana. He made no mention of being in an altercation, the location of his shirt or whether he’d been placed in the chair or found it on his own. In addition to the black eye, he had a severe laceration to his right eye. As he was helped out of his chair by fire rescue workers, two empty high-alcohol-content beer cans were found behind him. He had no active warrants against him and was transported to St. Mary’s Hospital.
No butts about it: Staying at a treatment facility in the 100 block of East Lantana Road, a woman claims she was assaulted. Though something happened, assault might be a strong word for what actually occurred. Was she punched? No. Kicked? No. Scratched? No. Put in a Dusty Rhodes-style “figure four” wrestling hold and forced to tap out? Uh, no. What was this mystery assault? She had a soda poured on her. Though she claimed she was the victim, even that is up for debate. Her soda-slinging nemesis painted a slightly different picture and said that it was she who was assaulted. She said the alleged victim asked her for a cigarette and when she said “no,” the woman went slightly to moderately nuts. She apparently started screaming and throwing an all-out hissy fit before grabbing the cigarette-withholding patient. The cigarette holder said she then dumped the soda on her only in self-defense. Neither party had any marks, bruises or lacerations and police were forced to leave for another, higher priority call.
Bike booster: Riding tandem on a bicycle along the 800 block of South Broadway, two youths spotted another bicycle left unattended on the front porch of a residence. Likely tired of sitting on the handlebars, one of the youths decided to seize the day. He jumped off the bicycle, walked up to the front porch and then rode off on his “new” bike. Though in other circumstances he might be praised for taking advantage of an opportunity, in this case he’s just another bicycle-stealing punk.
Not-so-clean getaway: Selecting a package of detergent pods at a store in the 100 block of East Ocean Avenue, a man then walked out without paying. Though he was admonished by the manager to either pay for the item or put it back, the manager was simply ignored and the perpetrator walked out. Alerted to the crime and given a description of the thief, police spotted him walking along North Dixie Highway and detained him. The store manager was driven to the location and positively identified him. He was arrested for retail theft. In addition to retail theft, a crack pipe was found on his person hidden inside a pack of cigarettes. He was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia. A short time after the entire incident, a woman went into the store and demanded to cover the cost of the stolen pods. The manager agreed to the purchase. He then let police know that he was declining to prosecute for the theft.
Severance payback: Fired from his position at a business located near the intersection of Prosperity Farms Road and Treasure Isle Drive, a man took the position that he was the victim. As the victim, he reportedly promised swift retribution on his superiors and said he would return with a gun. A witness who was present said the fired man was just “talking junk” and that he was not afraid. Regardless if he was just “talking junk” or intended to come back and go on an all-out killing spree, the man was issued a trespass warning and told not to return.
Don’t fence her in: Claiming she was having problems with the neighbor’s mango tree and their newly installed fence, a woman went on a bit of rampage in the 5000 block of Buchanan Road. Focusing her rage on the fence, she began picking up bricks and hurling them at the obstruction and denier of free range. She spoke with deputies and admitted to the assault which caused some minor damage. The fence owners declined to prosecute and the woman was left with instructions to knock it off.
Off-key: His sports car parked in front of his residence in the 5500 block of Fairway Park Drive, a man’s potential good morning was shot to hell when he walked out to find the vehicle had been keyed. With a deep gouge in the paint running from the sideview mirror along the length of the door, the man explained that this was the second time his vehicle had been targeted by some miscreant. He suspects the crime was committed by someone within the community. He was issued a case number.
Tacos and threats: Working at an eatery specializing in high-speed, Mexican-style cuisine in the 10100 block of Southern Boulevard, an employee said he received a threatening phone call. He said the caller made indirect threats toward him, but he suspects the angry caller might be an acquaintance of the manager. He refused to speculate further or expand on what the threats entailed.
Court conflagration: A national celebration known for things that explode and/or sparkle seemed to find its way to a basketball court in the 300 block of La Mancha Avenue. Whether it was part of the revelry surrounding the Fourth of July or just a fire in a garbage can, the blaze inside the trash receptacle caused approximately $2,000 worth of damage to the court. There was a surveillance camera in the area that was still being reviewed.
Phone purloiner: Leaving his cellphone on the counter of a business in the 1900 block of North Dixie Highway, a customer returned approximately one hour later to find the communication device gone. A review of the store’s surveillance video showed another individual, who was not the owner and had no business touching the device except to possibly alert the clerk that someone had left their phone on the counter, stealing the $1,100 device. Though the camera caught good images of the perpetrator, the cameras outside were of little use as the man’s license plate was obscured.
Customer commotion: Causing trouble inside an establishment in the 2200 block of Jog Road, a man at first refused to leave. Despite multiple requests, the troublemaker seemed determined to stay at least until one of the security guards threatened to give him a not-so-healthy dose of pepper spray in the face. Though he went outside, he then refused to leave the property. When deputies arrived and asked him why he was refusing to leave, he replied, “I’m not leaving, I’m going to sue this place.” Told this time by deputies to leave he responded with a defiant “Or what?” Though he was then informed that he would be arrested for trespassing and forcibly removed, this seemed to have little effect. He offered up a final reply of “I’d rather have you guys remove me.” His request was granted and he was arrested, placed in handcuffs and later taken to jail.
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Going to pot: Out for a 3 a.m. cruise through a park in the 700 block of 47th Street, a motorist was pulled over as he exited the municipal area. Asked for his driver’s license, the out-late rather than up-early man said he did not have one. After being asked to step out of the vehicle car, the man complied and as he did brought with him with the overwhelming stench of freshly burnt marijuana. With the pervasive smell now tainting the air, the officer asked the man whether there was any of the illicit weed in the vehicle. The man said yes. Discovered in the man’s backpack, the weed was neatly packaged in nearly three dozen two-inch by two-inch plastic bags and obviously ready for distribution. The driver and quite fastidious drug dealer was arrested for driving without a license and possession with intent to distribute.
On a collision course: Crossing over the median and driving on the wrong side of South Flagler Drive, a motorist eventually realized her mistake and crossed back over. This, however, was not the end of her inebriated adventure. As she then began traveling on Lakeview Avenue near Chase Street, she managed to strike a pole on the corner. She then placed the vehicle in reverse and backed into another pole. Finally, with poles seemingly coming at her from all directions, she got going west on Lakeview Avenue and made it approximately 50 feet before plowing into a wall. With red, glassy eyes, slurred speech, a blank stare and missing one shoe she began her meet and greet with police. Not really attempting to hide anything, the woman managed to inform the officers that she’d consumed an entire bottle of wine and a shot of tequila on an empty stomach. In a rare display in South Florida, the woman actually took responsibility, stated the incident was her fault and apologized. She did poorly in a roadside sobriety test and was arrested for DUI. Her breath later showed she was nearly three times the legal limit.
Not a love note: A man began his attempt to rob a store in the 1300 block of North Dixie Highway by handing the cashier a note that read “Hand all the money to me now or I’ll slit your throat quietly and calmly.” The suspect then showed the cashier the knife and said “Just give me the money.” Though in fear for his life, the clear-headed cashier grabbed his hand-held, in-store radio and notified the manager to call for police. The suspect then fled the store when he realized the police were on the way. The suspect was spotted and stopped a short distance away. He admitted to the attempted robbery and showed police the small, pink handled, kitchen knife. He stated he did not want to hurt anyone, but just wanted the money. He was arrested for robbery with a deadly weapon.
Crash and run: Involved in a crash near the intersection of US 1 and Anchorage Drive, a man left the scene because he would later say he thought “it did not seem like a big deal.” After coming to that conclusion, he drove his heavily damaged vehicle a short distance before pulling into a business in the 500 block of US 1 where he was met by police. With breath smelling strongly of alcoholic beverages, he said he’d been at an establishment in Palm Beach Gardens and was heading home. Though swaying while speaking, he decided he would attempt a roadside sobriety test. He had to have most of the tasks explained to him multiple times and in the end did poorly. He was arrested for DUI. His breath later showed he was more than twice the legal limit.
‘Free’ is not so free: Seen concealing merchandise on his person inside a store on US 1, a man literally ran into police as he was leaving the store. With security alarms sounding, police ordered the man to let them see his hands. Instead, he pushed off one of the officers and attempted to flee. Rather than get away, however, police took him to the ground and placed him in handcuffs. With multiple containers of body wash, deodorant and shampoo in multiple fragrances and moisturization levels, as well as dishwashing detergent, sunglasses and a flip phone, he had nearly $500 worth of products. Arrested and taken to North Palm Beach police’s holding cell, the man was not done creating trouble. At one point he concealed himself within his T-shirt so officers could not see what he was doing and had to be re-restrained. He was not pleased with this began banging his head against the viewing window. In addition to being arrested for retail theft, he was already on probation. He was later taken to the county jail.
Compiled by Eddie Ritz from area law enforcement records.
