Jim Irsay couldn’t re-hire Frank Reich, so he got the next best thing, I guess

Jim Irsay just hired a former Philadelphia Eagles offensive coordinator to replace a former Philadelphia Eagles offensive coordinator…

History is repeating itself in the AFC South alright, as Indianapolis Colts owner hired Shane Steichen to be the long-term replacement over Frank Reich.

After a long and thorough coaching search, Irsay went back to the Philadelphia Eagles coordinator pool to get an up-and-coming offensive mind who just coached in a Super Bowl. Initially, he may have preferred Josh McDaniels over Reich, but you can say the rivalry nobody cares about anymore is back on! While Reich had to go, this issue in Indianapolis goes far beyond its former head coach.

Since Irsay could not re-hire Reich who went to the Carolina Panthers, he got the next closest thing in Steichen. To be totally transparent, I really want this to work for Indianapolis. The Colts have great fans and they have been through a lot of nonsense over the better part of a decade now. Who could have thought Pat McAfee was the glue holding the entire operation together?

The only way this will work is if Steichen can draft his own quarterback and Irsay does not meddle.

Jim Irsay hires Imitation Frank Reich by bringing Shane Steichen aboard as coach

While there is some debate over if Steichen is Imitation Frank Reich, this is no debate as to who will play him in an upcoming biopic: Dax Shepard. Once you see it, you will never be the same, just like when you roll up to a big-box store in an ’81 Honda (how dare you?!). Truth be told, the last time the Colts won a Super Bowl, Dane Cook was at the absolute apex of his comedic-ish powers.

Frankly, we were due to have a Hollywood lookalike coaching an NFL team. Ryan Gosling went to Thailand, but he could be back in Houston by the time Lou Anarumo or Steichen’s colleague Jonathan Gannon get to Arizona (yeah, boy!). Not to say Irsay is Public Enemy No. 1 in the state of Indiana, but 2014 was a long time ago, the last time this franchise won a game in Duval County.

Look. People really like Steichen, just like they really like Reich and Colts general manager Chris Ballard, but enough is enough is enough! The city may host the Indianapolis 500, but stop with the retreaded quarterback nonsense. If they do not draft a quarterback, then rebrand and relocate. Unfortunately, that quarterback is absolutely going to be strong-armed Will Levis out of Kentucky.

Overall, I would love nothing more than for Steichen to be the best thing to happen to Indiana since Peyton Manning, Hoosiers or my grandmother being born there. However, past performance is indicative of future behavior. So let’s gear up for Derek Carr to lead the Colts out of the tunnel in Jacksonville, only to lose to Duval Doug and the boys in heartbreaking fashion. You know it is true!

Ultimately, the Colts totally need to reboot their culture. Whatever Nick Sirianni built so swiftly in Philadelphia could, in theory, be replicated in Indianapolis. Ballard is a close approximation of Howie Roseman in the front office. But life should not imitate art. I dig imitation crab in sushi rolls, just like I will learn to like Imitation Reich in Indianapolis. It is still better than Saturday on Sundays.

If Steichen is imitation crab in a sushi roll, then Saturday was Gollum just eating fish right out of the river.