'I'm convinced my fiancé's niece is his daughter – but he keeps denying it' – The Mirror
The couple have split in the past over the issue before but with their wedding date set the bride-to-be still niggling doubts over the ‘niece’ – people have urged her to demand a DNA test
Having pre- wedding jitters is perfectly understandable and very common. Most brides and grooms will have some worries over something, be it concern over the table seating plans, warring relatives occupying the same space without causing a scene or even nerves over committing yourself to the same person for the rest of your life.
Getting married is a big deal but when it comes to trusting your partner – there should be no cause for concern. Hopefully any niggling worries or problems in the relationship will have been ironed out and resolved. Of course, that is often not the case, as one woman knew too well. She had already split with her boyfriend of nine years in the past over a huge concern – the paternity of his 'niece'
After a year of dating her betrothed, the couple moved in together but just one year later they began bickering over his ex. She explained all to the advice column on uexpress.com: "We got into a big argument because his ex-girlfriend was sticking her nose into our household. (She was also dating his brother.) He moved out that night, but we were able to repair our relationship and decided to live separately for a while."
However it was then the huge bombshell was dropped – the ex (and brother's current girlfriend) was pregnant. "A month and a half after he moved," she wrote, "I found out she was pregnant. Her due date was nine months from when he moved out. He swears it's not his child and that it's his brother's. I have tried to let it go because I can't accuse him of lying just because of the timing of her pregnancy."
They clearly managed to get past the problem for a time afterwards because they got engaged but the woman called it off because she was still bothered by the child. Two years ago he proposed again and she agreed. But the elephant, or child, is still in the room – quite literally at times.
She explained: "He treats this child like she's his own, not a niece. He picks her up and takes her out for dinner and to the park and other stuff he doesn't do for his other nieces or nephews." With their wedding set for next year, the bride-to-be was unsure if she should let it go or trust her gut. "I don't want to call it off again," she wrote. "Although this is still bothering me. He knows I was hurt by an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me in the past, and I think he knows if I find out the truth, I will leave him."
Agony aunt Abigail Van Buren, or Dear Abby as she's better known, wasted no time in telling the confused woman what to do in order to finally uncover the truth: "Tell your fiancé you want him to consent to giving a sample of his DNA, as well as his favoured niece's, to be tested," she advised. "His reaction will speak volumes. If he agrees, you will finally have the answers you are looking for. Do not go ahead with the wedding until you have that information."
Other readers of the column thought she should go one step further and leave her fiancé regardless. "Whether the kid is his or not," they replied, "You clearly haven't trusted him for at least seven years (if I got the timeline right). Marrying him will not magically make you trust him– NOR WILL MAKING A BABY. Call off the wedding and go your separate ways now before you wind up wallowing in resentment and self-pity 40 years later, with a therapy bill you can't afford."
Another backed them up and wrote: "Exactly. Even if the child isn't his, she still can't trust him. He, his brother, and the ex sound like a love triangle from Hades anyway. Why marry yourself to that mess?”
When it came to the paternity of the child, readers generally thought her fiancé probably didn't even know: "I wonder if he knows for sure either way," pondered one. Another added: "Chances are he's treating the kid like his own because he knows she could be. It's possible even the mother doesn't know for sure." Although a third was pretty certain of the truth: "Oh that is definitely his kid! Kick him straight to the curb girl!"
But another reader pointed out it wouldn’t be as clear cut as asking for a DNA test. They said: "The paternity of the child is irrelevant when your issue is lack of trust. It's ridiculous to think that the child's mother would consent to having her child tested to calm your fears. Asking this of a child and of your fiancé would result in the decision to end your relationship being made for you."
Do you agree? Let us know in the comments below.
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