LEAD STORY — News That Sounds Like a Joke – News of the Weird – UExpress

The infamous "Lake Tahoe Foot Fondler" couldn't outrun authorities forever, the New York Post reported. On Aug. 1, Mark Anthony Gonzales, 26, was arrested in Atwater, California, and charged with burglary and battery after two early July incidents at the Club Wyndham South Shore hotel in Nevada. According to police, Gonzales "entered two … condominiums by opening unlocked screen doors. Once inside, he positioned himself at the foot of the bed and rubbed the feet of two separate adult females" in two different units. Gonzales fled when his victims woke up and confronted him. He is also suspected of trespassing and stealing women's shoes for sexual pleasure. He was being held for extradition back to Nevada. [NY Post, 8/2/2023]
Unclear on the Concept
Pinellas County (Florida) deputies are pleading with the public to stop calling them about manatees in canals and shorelines along the Gulf Coast, Fox13-TV reported on Aug. 1. People think the manatees are in distress because they're swimming in herds and thrashing about, but officials stress that the sea cows are only mating. "IF YOU SEE THIS … DON'T CALL US," the sheriff's office warned via Facebook post. "We can assure you they are more than fine. Manatees actually mate in herds like these and often they are near the shore. … There's no need to call, they are a-okay!" [Fox13, 8/1/2023]
The Entrepreneurial Spirit
In a stunning stroke of genius, the Alpha and Omega Funeral Home in Ahuachapan, El Salvador, started offering Barbie-themed coffins last year, the New York Post reported. With the movie's summer success, undertaker Isaac Villegas said they've been swamped with orders and have sold out of the hot pink caskets. "We wanted to promote the pink coffin as it has become a trend," Villegas said. "Of the 40 people who inquired about it, we have already closed a contract with at least 10 new clients." Similarly, in Guayaquil, Ecuador, funeral home Funeraria Olivares is offering a "Barbie House" coffin, "so you can rest like a Barbie." One manufacturer gushed about their product: "This coffin, with its striking bright pink color, represents the spark and energy of those unforgettable moments they lived." One El Salvadoran commenter conceded, "Eternal rest doesn't look so bad anymore." [NY Post, 8/1/2023]
Nowhere To Go but Up
Early on July 28, Thornton, Colorado, police were called out about a stolen car, KKTV reported. As the officers gathered information, the suspect, 36-year-old Julian Fernandez, returned to the scene, but "quickly ran on foot from the area and out of sight," police said. While they watched, the man jumped over a security fence and started climbing a 320-foot radio tower. He eventually reached the top, where he stayed for 12 hours as crisis negotiators tried to reason with him. In the end, firefighters climbed the tower and brought Fernandez down. [KKTV, 7/30/2023]
Unconventional Weaponry
A Sonic Drive-In restaurant in Tulsa, Oklahoma, was the scene of a gruesome assault on Aug. 1, Fox News reported. Police arriving at the scene found a man with a flagpole — American flag still attached — through his head. They said it had entered under his jaw and exited near his right temple. Witnesses reported that the suspect, Clinton Collins, allegedly charged the victim and ran the pole through his head, saying, "That's what he gets. He deserved it." Collins was taken into custody immediately. Emergency responders had to cut part of the flagpole away in order to fit the victim in the ambulance. He survived but may lose an eye, police said. [Fox News, 8/3/2023]
Bright Idea
Pinecrest, Florida, has a peculiar problem: peacocks. The New York Times reported on Aug. 9 that the city has been overrun with the large, loud, destructive birds, which peck at roofs and cars and relieve themselves all over driveways. The solution? Peacock vasectomies. Dr. Don J. Harris, the veterinarian who will snip the feisty birds, said they're "bona fide polygamists. We're going to catch one peacock and probably stop seven females from reproducing. It's going to have an exponential benefit." County commissioners approved the plan, and city officials designated $7,500 a month to cover trapping and surgery. [NY Times, 8/9/2023]
Nature Gone Wild
Peggy Jones, 64, of Silsbee, Texas, got a little too close to nature for comfort on July 25 as she and her husband did yard work on their property. The New York Times reported that out of the blue, a snake fell from the sky, wrapped itself around Jones' forearm and started to squeeze. "I immediately screamed and started swinging my arm to shake the snake off," she said. "I was screaming, 'Jesus, help me, please, Jesus, help me!'" But the snake hissed and struck at her face, sometimes hitting her glasses. Then, as Jones struggled, a hawk swooped down and tried to grab the snake, which it had dropped from on high, from her arm. As it wrestled with the snake, its talons slashed into Jones' arm. Finally, the hawk got hold of the snake and flew off. She said the whole incident probably took only 15 or 20 seconds, but afterward, "I looked down at my arm and it was totally covered in blood." Jones' husband, Wendell, saw his wife screaming and running in a zigzag pattern: "By the time I got to her, she was pretty hysterical," he said. Doctors said most of her wounds were caused by the hawk rather than the snake. Jones says that she is healing physically but is still having nightmares about the incident. [NY Times, 8/9/2023]
Irony
An instructor at a driving school in Lakewood, Colorado, won't be getting a passing grade after crashing a car into the school's front window on Aug. 8 — just under a sign that says "Learn To Drive." KDFW-TV reported that the driver, who was trying to park a Hyundai Tucson in front of the Community Driving School, was cited for a traffic violation. Police said there was only one minor injury. [KDFW, 8/9/2023]
Field Report
Divers Ken Fleming and Doug Bishop were searching for clues in missing persons cold cases on Aug. 6 in Doral, Florida, when they stumbled upon an investigatory treasure chest, WSVN-TV reported. "We realized we had 32 cars underwater," Fleming said. The divers work as volunteers and have a huge database of missing persons. "We have 40 that we're targeting right now of folks that disappeared, anywhere from two or three months ago to 30, 40 years ago," he said. Statewide, Fleming said they have found 60 submerged cars that may be linked to crimes. They'll work with the county to get the vehicles removed and collect and deliver any pertinent information from them. [WSVN, 8/6/2023]
But, Why?
A mysterious man is taking pacifiers out of the mouths of babes in Harlow, England, Sky News reported. The incidents started in February, with the most recent one taking place on Aug. 7. One of the children was also assaulted. The suspect is a young, slim white man with brown eyes and yellow teeth, police said; they are soliciting information from anyone who has any knowledge of the cagey Dummy Bandit (our moniker, not theirs). "As a parent myself, I understand the level of concern," said chief inspector Paul Austin. [Sky News, 8/9/2023]
Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.
I bet it was better than this couple's. Alan Stevens, 50, of Hull, England, booked a surprise 17-day trip for his wife's birthday to the Dominican Republic for late June. When they arrived, however, it was clear the resort's "five-star" rating was a mistake. Hull Live reported that while at the resort, Stevens and his wife observed a variety of alarming behaviors. "When we went out to the pool for the first time, we saw guests smoking weed in the pool, people having sex in the pool … one woman being sick all over herself in the pool, and another guest actually defecate in the pool — it was disgusting," Stevens said. "We were approached by people offering us drugs about 10 times in the 17 days we were there. A woman fell from a balcony while we were there, and we walked past and saw her body hidden under a sheet. … We had no idea what was going on." He continued: "When we were out one day, I saw a man knocked clean off his motorbike. I just burst out crying because on top of everything else that had happened, it was such a shock." The travel company Stevens worked with offered 200 pounds in vouchers and counseling credits, which Stevens called "a joke. This was 100% the worst holiday we've ever been on." [Hull Live, 8/3/2023]
The Aristocrats
Maryland's Kimberly "Kimycola" Winter has eructed her way into history with a Guinness World Record, United Press International reported on Aug. 2. Winter broke the previous record for loudest burp (female) with a 107.3-decibel growler. That's louder than a blender, an electric hand-held drill and even some motorcycles. She prepared for the event with breakfast, coffee and beer. Winter said to achieve the big belch, she takes a deep breath and tries to "manipulate that into something monstrous and magical." She admitted she loves to shock strangers with her burps. "I love to be loud and proud!" [UPI, 8/2/2023]
Suspicions Confirmed
The Hangzhou Zoo in eastern China has gotten a big bump in visitor numbers this week — 30% more, to 20,000 a day! — since Angela the Malayan sun bear went viral. Reuters reported that Angela captured social media attention when she stood up on her hind legs and stretched her neck out to look at visitors. In fact, her behavior was so humanlike that people thought maybe the zoo had dressed a worker up in a bear suit. "After we saw the video on the internet, we specially took the high-speed train from Suzhou to come over to see the bear," Qiang Ming said. "If this is fake it deserves an Oscar for special effects," said one commenter. But no! Angela is "definitely not a human. Our zoo is government-run, so that kind of situation would not happen," the zoo responded. [Reuters, 8/2/2023]
Unconventional Weapon
Jennifer Colandrea, 42, of St. Petersburg, Florida, was charged with domestic battery after an incident on July 31, The Smoking Gun reported. As her ex-husband, Brian Drummond, 42, slept in the home they share, Colandrea allegedly violently ripped his CPAP machine off his face, causing a cut on his lower lip, and started arguing with him. The two divorced in 2009 but have been sharing a home. Colandrea was released on her own recognizance and ordered to stay away from Drummond. [The Smoking Gun, 8/2/2023]
Molehill, Meet Mountain
Cedar Point Shores Waterpark in Sandusky, Ohio, was the scene of what might have been a routine dust-up between patrons on July 27. But, as The Smoking Gun reported, it developed into much more. Cops responded after a woman allegedly called a child a "brat" and "fat ass" and pushed him off a floating toy. She identified herself as Jennifer Lee Miller, 67, and said she was a "Christian woman, a grandmother, and she wouldn't do such a thing," police said. After officers gave her a warning and left the scene, they determined that the woman had given them a false name; she is really Janet Nale of Taylor, Michigan, and she was arrested for obstruction. "She lied about all her information and had no reason for doing so," one officer said. [The Smoking Gun, 7/28/2023]
Wait, What?
Bob Blankenship of Ormond Beach, Florida, wants some answers after a May incident where he discovered airplane parts, including a windshield, in his yard, News 6 reported. Blankenship lives near the Ormond Beach Airport and is used to the noise, but pieces of fiberglass and metal falling from the sky concerned him: "It could fall on anybody out here," he said. "Just think if it fell from 300 feet. What's the impact going to be? Probably cut you in two." Blankenship determined which plane had been flying over and contacted the airport, leaving his contact information. Later, he got a message from the pilot: "Hey, this is Douglas and I'm over in DeLand and I lost a piece of my airplane yesterday. … I'm wondering if I can connect with you and come and get it." No, said Blankenship. He reported the incident to the FAA, which claimed that "the falling aircraft part situation is being taken seriously by our organization," but he's unsatisfied with their slow response. "The next time it could be somebody's life," he said. [News 6, 7/27/2023]
Rude
British Columbia real estate agent Mike Rose is out on his ear in Kamloops after he was caught on video swigging milk straight from the bottle at a home he was showing. Canoe reported on July 28 that Rose was waiting for his clients to arrive for a showing; after slaking his thirst, he returned the milk jug to the refrigerator. Rose apologized, saying his behavior was out of character and he was "unusually dehydrated," but his clients replaced him and he was ordered to pay a $22,500 fine. [Canoe, 7/28/2023]
Sporting News
— During a friendly soccer match on July 21 between Gateshead and Dunston in England, players and spectators were astonished as men wearing balaclavas drove a hearse onto the pitch, the Independent reported. Just before 8:20 p.m., the funeral car and a Subaru made their way onto the field, where they spun around in circles as their occupants threw leaflets from the cars. The drivers of the hearse left that vehicle on the pitch and hopped in the other car, which drove away. Officials were forced to call off the match. Northumbria Police said four men had been arrested and remained in police custody. "Disorder will not be tolerated in the community," police said. "Enquiries continue." [Independent, 7/23/2023]
— The Seattle Mariners are down a player after outfielder Jarred Kelenic took on an unlikely opponent in the locker room: a water cooler. CBS News reported that Kelenic kicked the cooler after striking out against the Minnesota Twins on July 19 and suffered a broken foot as a result. Manager Scott Servais said Kelenic "feels terrible. He knows he let a lot of people down." While his recovery may be long, he will not require surgery — just therapy for his fractured ego. [CBS News, 7/20/2023]
Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.
Zookeepers at the Columbus Zoo in Ohio were taken aback on July 20 when Sully, an 8-year-old western lowland gorilla whom they had assumed to be male, gave birth. Sully has lived at the zoo since 2019, United Press International reported. "It's hard to tell the sex of younger gorillas," the zoo said in a statement. "They don't have prominent sex organs." They said Sully had been healthy and did not need any procedures or medical care that would have clued them in to her gender. "Sully is taking good care of (the baby)," zookeepers said, adding that eventually they'll do a DNA test to find out which of three males is the father. [UPI, 7/22/2023]
Saw That Coming
… or not. At 11:55 p.m. on July 22, a speeding boat with eight people aboard left the water at the Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri and crashed into a home along the bank. KMIZ-TV reported that Adam Ramirez, 47, was driving the boat when the accident happened. After the boat hit the home, it overturned and ejected all eight passengers, who were taken to a hospital, six of them in serious condition. Two people in the home at the time were uninjured. Ramirez was charged with boating while intoxicated. Travis Coleman with Tow Boat US Lake of the Ozarks said crashes on the lake are common, and alcohol and darkness can play a large role. [KMIZ, 7/23/2023]
Nature Gone Wild
A bird rarely seen in the Northern Hemisphere dropped into Pebble Beach, California, on July 21, KSBW-TV reported. The Nazca Booby, which at this time of year is usually living and breeding in the Galapagos Islands, was delivered to the SPCA of Monterey County; officials there said it was emaciated, cold and injured. Beth Brookhouser said the bird had to be kept in an incubator and fed through a tube while it recovered. It had wounds on its back that appeared to be from fishing hooks. Once the bird has healed, the SPCA hopes to reintroduce it to the wild. [KSBW, 7/22/2023]
Bright Idea
Hong Kong's health minister, professor Lo Chung-mau, is urging public shaming as a remedy to unlawful tobacco use, Sky News reported. "Cigarettes can harm the health of all of us," Lo told a meeting of the Legislative Council's health service panel on July 14. "When members of the public see people smoking in nonsmoking areas … we can stare at the smokers. Everyone on the premises can stare at that person." He believes this behavior would help create a nonsmoking culture in the city. He also said authorities would use surveillance footage to crack down on smokers flouting the rules. [Sky News, 7/15/2023]
The Passing Parade
Barbie mania has taken the world by storm — including in Brazil, where Burger King is selling a sandwich with a bright pink sauce that looks like "chewed bubblegum" and has a "smoky" flavor, according to Burger King. CNBC reported on July 13 that the BK Barbie Combo comes with a cheeseburger, a pink vanilla-flavored milkshake, a doughnut sprinkled with pink frosting and an order of Ken's potatoes (also known as fries). The combo is not expected to be offered in the United States. [CNBC, 7/13/2023]
News You Can Use
Trader Joe's announced on July 21 that it is recalling two types of cookies that may have rocks in them, National Public Radio reported. The Almond Windmill Cookies and Dark Chocolate Chunk and Almond cookies have been removed from the grocery chain's stores and destroyed, the company said, but those who had previously bought them can return them for a refund. "Please do not eat them," they urged customers. The company didn't specify how the rocks came to be in the cookies. [NPR, 7/24/2023]
The Golden Age of Air Travel
In late July, a woman on a Spirit Airlines plane hit her limit, the New York Post reported. "The plane is stopped … I cannot hold the pee!" she shouted in a video as she pulled down her pants and squatted in a corner to relieve herself. "I need to (urinate), two hours … you close the (bathroom) doors," she said, telling a crew member she should "blame yourself." The video was posted on July 20, but it is unclear where the incident took place. [NY Post, 7/25/2023]
Nope
You might not have it on your calendar, but Aug. 5 is National Mustard Day! Rather than celebrating with a hot dog or a burger smothered in the yellow condiment, the French's company wants you to try Mustard Skittles, NBC New York reported on July 25. "Skittles is always looking to inspire moments of everyday happiness and deliver unexpected ways for fans to experience the brand," said Ro Cheng, marketing director at Mars. The new flavor "combines their tangy mustard flavor with our iconic chewy texture to deliver this unique summer treat." Adventurous mustard-lovers can try to win a bag of the candy through an online sweepstakes. [NBC New York, 7/25/2023]
Awesome!
On July 22 at Tracouet, Switzerland, 100 alphorn players gathered for the 22nd International Alphorn Festival, Yahoo! News reported. (You know alphorns: Think Ricola commercials.) The competitors are judged on interpretation, musicality, accuracy and rhythm, said festival founder Antoine Devenes. "It's easy to play but difficult to play it well," said Marcel Henchoz, 85, one of the participants. He was joined by players from France, Germany, America and Canada. The youngest competitor was 11 years old. Adolf Zobrist, 58, from Brienz, Switzerland, took the title for the fourth time. "It's my hobby and it's my passion. I've been playing since I was 12," Zobrist said. "It's the sound of the mountains." [Yahoo! News, 7/24/2023]
Special Delivery
Cindy Smith of Prince William County, Virginia, definitely did NOT order hundreds of headlamps, glue guns and children's binoculars, WUSA-TV reported, but still they showed up at her home in more than 100 Amazon boxes. "A lot of people thought I was weird," Smith said. "I would drive around with headlamps and glue guns in the car. I gave them to everybody I met." WUSA looked into the situation for Smith and learned that sellers from China that need to get their merchandise out of Amazon's warehouses are "just picking random addresses," according to an attorney who represents companies that sell on Amazon. "They're just having them sent there, because it's just cheaper for them to do so." Amazon said it has closed its account with this particular seller. [WUSA, 7/25/2023]
Great Art?
Hankering for a high-dollar auction rush? Sotheby's has you covered — or at least your feet. A pair of white sneakers from the 1990s, branded with the rainbow-colored Apple logo, will start at $50,000, Sky News reported. The shoes were distributed to employees at sales conferences and are among "the most obscure in existence," Sotheby's said. "Highly coveted" on the resale market, the sneakers are in their original box and are in a condition "consistent with age." And bonus! They come with an extra pair of red shoelaces! Sold! [Sky News, 7/26/2023]
Unconventional Weaponry
Police in Tilden Township, Pennsylvania, are going bananas trying to figure out who was throwing frozen bananas from a truck on July 24, WFMZ-TV reported. "We had five vehicles traveling eastbound on Hex Highway," said Sgt. Peter Witman. "People traveling westbound threw frozen bananas and struck windshields and other car parts." One driver had her window down and was struck by flying banana debris. "It's extremely dangerous," Witman said. "This could injure, or worse, you could cause vehicle crashes by doing this." [WFMZ, 7/26/2023]
Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

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