Wait, How Many? | News of the Weird – Salt Lake City Weekly

March 8, 2024 ndowd

March 06, 2024 News » News of the Weird
Wait, How Many?
And you thought your glovebox full of unpaid parking tickets was impressive. Police detectives and patrol officers arrested Ahyoka Keith, aka Carol Ann Sumner, on Feb. 16, two weeks after she was charged with an astonishing 322 felonies and 327 misdemeanors by the Spring Township police department in Bellefonte, Pennsylvania. Keith is an over-the-road trucker, and her 649 warrants were related to the theft of thousands of dollars from a relative.
Not Getting It
A 42-year-old resident of Ajax, Ontario, was arrested and charged with impaired driving on Feb. 20 at the Durham Regional police station, where he had driven to complain … about his arrest for public intoxication from earlier that morning. The man asked to speak with a supervisor when he arrived at the station, but officers noticed he seemed to be intoxicated, and, after confirming he had driven himself, issued a breathalyzer test, which the man failed. His license was suspended and his vehicle was impounded.
Need for Speed
The Hockenheimring racetrack in Baden-Wurttemberg, Germany, was the setting for a Guinness World Record-setting run recently. The speed reached—92.24 mph—might not sound so impressive, but Fulda University engineering student Marcel Paul attained that velocity in a toy car. Paul spent 10 months modifying the miniature Porsche with the goal of beating the 88 mph made famous by the time-traveling DeLorean DMC-12 in the Back to the Future movies, and in the process created the world’s fastest ride-on toy car. Said one user in the comments on Paul’s Instagram video of the milestone event: “Hell no that looks dangerous.”
Bleepin’ Birds
Eight potty-mouthed parrots are set to rejoin the rest of their flock at the Lincolnshire Wildlife Park in Boston, United Kingdom, after zoo officials decided that recent efforts to help the dirty birds clean up their act in isolation had shown promise. Steve Nichols, who serves as chief executive of the park, still isn’t sure what will happen when the birds are reunited with their more well-behaved peers. “We could end up with 100 swearing parrots on our hands,” Nichols said. “Only time will tell.” For now, the park does not plan to take down its signs warning visitors of the potential for foul language.
Very Senior Year
It’s never too late to graduate, and Fred Allen Smalls of Georgetown, South Carolina, is proof. Smalls took the stage at Georgetown High School on Feb. 4, the day before his 106th birthday, to receive an honorary diploma at a ceremony that came to fruition largely due to the efforts of his granddaughter. Smalls completed eighth grade in the 1930s and moved to Washington, D.C., where he worked as a janitor and held several other jobs before beginning a career with the District of Columbia, eventually retiring during the John F. Kennedy administration. WPDE ABC 15 reported that the diploma was “something he’s wished for most of his life.” And the diploma wasn’t the first time Smalls made recent news: In 2023, ABC News recognized him as the oldest Philadelphia Eagles fan.
Sticky Situation
A coyote that found itself in an ironic predicament in mid-January has the Humane Animal Welfare Society (HAWS) and the Wildlife in Need Center (WINC) of Waukesha County, Wisconsin, to thank for its rescue—maybe with a little help from above? WDJT in Milwaukee reported that the coyote had gotten its head stuck inside a hollow statue of St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, while chasing a rabbit. The coyote was spotted dragging the statue and working to free itself, but by the next day, the animal was exhausted and still trapped. HAWS located the coyote and transported it to WINC, where it was freed, treated for minor injuries and given the nickname “Frannie.”
Long-Term Lending
More and more libraries across the country have converted to fine-free lending, and that’s a very good thing for one patron of the Licking County Library in Ohio. WPDE ABC 15 in Columbus reported that an Instagram post shared by the library included video of a poetry book that recently had been returned—about 93 years late. The patron had found the “Heart Throbs” poetry collection at a relative’s house and discovered the due date card inside the front cover, last stamped “Nov 9 ’31.” WPDE estimated the total fine would have been approximately $5,770.
Cemetery Shortcut
In the immortal words of Shaggy, “It wasn’t me.” The Lavonia (Georgia) Police Department wants residents to know that a chaotic scene in a local graveyard Feb. 20 had nothing to do with them. “In case you saw or heard the law enforcement commotion,” reads a post on the department’s Facebook page, “well, it wasn’t us.” The commotion in question? Deputies from the Oconee County Sheriff’s Office in neighboring South Carolina had chased a reckless driver across state lines and into the Lavonia City Burgess Cemetery, reports FOX 5 Atlanta. The driver—who was apparently “late for an appointment”—damaged several graves before attempting to flee on foot. Unsuccessfully.
Thong and Pony Show
Australian equestrian Shane Rose, a three-time Olympic medalist, decided to push the sartorial envelope on Feb. 11, competing in a skimpy mankini—the kind popularized by the 2006 movie Borat. In fairness, the annual Wallaby Hill Extravaganza in New South Wales is a costumed competition, where equestrians put horses through their paces in all kinds of wacky get-ups. Some even go through multiple costume changes, which was the case with Rose. As the Wallaby Hill Equestrian Centre put it on Facebook, Rose “truly showed us ‘all he’s got’ as he wore less and less with each horse he entered the arena with.” But someone complained about the mankini, USA Today reported, leading governing body Equestrian Australia to bar Rose from competing while it investigated. (Even rowdy Aussies must follow codes of conduct, after all.) For a few days, Rose’s 2024 Paris Olympics plans hung in the balance, but he was soon cleared of any wrongdoing. Let’s hope he changes clothes before heaving a big sigh of relief.
Animal Antics
• Caterina Sevares of Florida had a late-night craving for tacos on Feb. 13, so she did what many of us have probably done: She placed a DoorDash order and hopped in the shower while waiting for her food to be delivered. But when she opened the door to retrieve the Talkin’ Tacos delivery, Fox 35 reported that she was met by three masked bandits—a trio of racoons who got to her meal first, eating everything but the tortillas. Sevares began to film the carnage but retreated once the racoons started engaging—one stood up on its hind legs while the other two stared her down. “Once they started hissing, I shut the door so fast. I was like, ‘They can have the carne asada, it’s fine,'” Sevares said. Talkin’ Tacos caught wind of the bandits’ antics after Sevares’ story went viral on TikTok, and sent her a gift card for her troubles.
• Elsewhere in Florida, bears ransacked a woman’s car—on Valentine’s Day, no less. Cassidy Simoes’ boyfriend left chocolates in the front seat of her car the night before, intending to give them to her the next day. But NBC2 reported that at about 3:30 on Valentine’s morning, the couple woke to find the car in bad shape: “Basically, the whole door panel, I can’t even open the door at all or roll the windows down, nothing,” Simoes said. No word on if the chocolates were replaced.
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