LEAD STORY — Unconventional Weaponry – News of the Weird – UExpress

The Laconia (New Hampshire) Daily Sun reported on Jan. 5 that police were called to the Market Basket supermarket in Tilton the day before after a "fruity fracas" broke out in the produce section. Social media posts indicated that a watermelon had been used in an assault, and Sgt. Andrew Salmon of the Tilton Police Department confirmed that his department is investigating. Salmon said one person went to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries "from being struck by a produce item." A worker who answered the phone at the Market Basket said, "We have been instructed not to say anything." [Laconia Daily Sun, 1/5/2024]
Awesome!
— King, a rescue dog at the Lost Our Home Pet Rescue in Tempe, Arizona, enjoyed a brief reign among his shelter buddies, Fox10-TV reported on Jan. 11. Sometime around midnight, King managed to break out of his kennel at the shelter and busted out several other dogs. He also found a stash of food and enjoyed a little feast. In the meantime, alarms were triggered; Jodi Polanski, the shelter's founder, looked at video from the scene and saw the mess. "The police actually came because he set the alarm off," Polanski said. The unnamed responding officer cleaned up after King's free-for-all and got the dog settled back in bed. "I was just like, wow, amazing man that he did that," Polanski said. The rescue's website indicates that King is no longer looking for a home. [Fox10, 1/8/2024]
— Rodney Holbrook, a 75-year-old retired postman from Wales, had been noticing for a couple of months that small messes in his shed were being mysteriously tidied overnight, the BBC reported. So he set up a camera and caught a little mouse picking up pegs, corks, nuts, bolts and bird food. Holbrook aptly named the rodent Welsh Tidy Mouse. "Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the mouse will tidy up throughout the night," Holbrook said. "I don't bother to tidy up now, I leave things out of the box and they put it back in its place by morning. I've added different things to the desk to see if they can lift it," he said. [BBC, 1/7/2024]
Goals
LuLu Lotus of Mississauga, Ontario, has earned a Guinness World Record for an impressive, if dubious, skill: She blew a 44.1-decibel whistle through her nose. United Press International reported on Jan. 9 that Lotus visited Aercoustics Engineering Ltd. to have her whistle measured in a special room. She said her 5-year-old son has recently discovered he, too, has a nose-whistling ability: "It would be a dream come true if he beat my record one day," Lotus said. [UPI, 1/9/2024]
High Tech
The story about the Alaska Airlines plane that lost a panel while flying at 16,000 feet is all over the news. But it's the little human-interest stories that really capture us: When the panel flew off and the hole gaped open midair on Jan. 5, someone's iPhone got sucked out and landed on a roadside in Washington state, Yahoo! News reported. Sean Bates, who found the phone, posted a photo on X showing the phone's intact screen and a battery life of 44% remaining: "Pretty clean, no scratches on it, sitting under a bush," he posted. Jennifer Homendy of the NTSB said all found phones would be returned to their owners. [Yahoo! News, 1/8/2024]
Inauspicious Award
Kathleen Murray of Sandford, Tasmania, credits bandicoots for helping her win the first-ever World's Ugliest Lawn competition, The Guardian reported on Jan. 11. The marsupials, Murray said, have "actually liberated me from ever having to mow it again. I'm all for guilt-free weekends, especially since my ex-husband left with the lawnmower back in 2016." (That must have been a good-looking Toro!) The contest began as Gotland's (Sweden) Ugliest Lawn, which was conceived to encourage water-saving and environmentally friendly gardening in 2022. "All of (the lawns) were hideous and well worthy of winning, but the winning entry was really, really bad," said Gotland's Mimmi Gibson. "It brings me a lot of joy to see all the little creatures who now feel safe to come out during the day in my yard," Murray said. [Guardian, 1/11/2024]
What's in a Name?
Or a word? Wayne State University in Michigan has announced its 15th annual list of 10 "long-lost" words that should be resurrected, United Press International reported on Jan. 10. The Word Warriors program has identified "blatherskite" (nonsense), "curglaff" (the shock felt upon diving into cold water), "rawgabbit" (a person who speaks confidently but ignorantly), and "pawky" (having a cynical sense of humor), among others. Let's get together and twankle during our kaffeeklatsch! [UPI, 1/10/2024]
But Why?
On Jan. 8, as an Air Canada flight prepared to leave Toronto for Dubai, a passenger who had just boarded opened a cabin door and stepped out, falling about 20 feet to the ground. CTV News reported. The passenger was injured, and emergency services were called, the airline said. The flight was delayed but eventually took off. There was no explanation for why the person jumped out. [CTV News, 1/10/2024]
Crime Report
A 32-year-old woman who had been arrested for assault in Boone, North Carolina, took her aggression out on the police car's backseat on Jan. 2, The Charlotte Observer reported. Boone Police Sgt. Dennis O'Neal said a "substantial amount of padding" had been chewed away, adding up to $650 in damages. The department's Facebook post suggested they "may need to invest in Kevlar seat covers." Authorities were still deciding whether to charge her in connection with the car's damages. [Charlotte Observer, 1/8/2024]
That's One Way To Do It
The Bean Monger, a coffee shop in Indianapolis, Indiana, next to a wedding venue site, was the site of a "pop-up" marriage on Dec. 31 — with no prior notice that the happy couple and their guests were planning to converge, the New York Post reported. Twenty to 30 people, including an officiant, photographer and guests, crowded into the small store, where they treated the unsuspecting workers as if they were hired staff. "They were asking us to take coats, purses and watch personal items as if they had rented us out," one person said. The wedding party blocked the entrance to other patrons, and when a barista asked them to move, the photographer replied, "No, wait at least five minutes." The store typically charges $500 for private events, which they have requested from the bride, but she deemed the amount "unreasonable." [NY Post, 1/8/2024]
Not Likely
— Roderick Jackson of Waskom, Texas, is suing Walmart for $100 million — or "unlimited free lifetime shopping" at any location — in relation to a vague incident from an Omaha Walmart in March 2021. NBC News reported that Jackson alleges there was a "false pretense of shoplifting" that was a violation of his civil rights "based on race/color." Walmart responded that the suit is "almost identical to a lawsuit he filed against our company in 2021 that was dismissed." The earlier suit said he suffered emotional stress and pain from the handcuffs. [NBC News, 1/11/2024]
— Joao Pimenta da Silva, 71, of Minas Gerais, Brazil, repeatedly dreamed that gold lay deep under his home, the New York Post reported. To that end, over a year ago, he began digging a hole in his kitchen floor that ended up being 130 feet deep and about 35 inches in diameter. But on Jan. 4, Pimenta's dreams died when he lost his balance and plunged to his death at the bottom of the cavity. His neighbor Arnaldo da Silva tried to discourage the project, but Pimenta was convinced his dream would come true. In the fall, he suffered head injuries and broken bones. [NY Post, 1/8/2024]
Stick with me here. In 1899 in Peshawar, Pakistan, James Squid, a drunken British officer, arrested a … tree because he thought it was a fugitive trying to get away from him. He ordered the tree chained to the ground, Oddity Central reported, and the chains have remained for 125 years, along with a plaque explaining them. While tourists are tickled by the strange restraints, locals see the chains as a symbol of British oppression. "Through this act, the British basically implied to the tribesmen that if they dared act against the Raj, they too would be punished in a similar fashion," one local man said. Others call it a living history. [Oddity Central, 1/4/2024]
Our Litigious Society
— Cynthia Kelly, 18, of Hillsborough County, Florida, has sued The Hershey Co. for $5 million because the Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins she bought in October didn't have a jack-o'-lantern face on them as shown on the packaging. ClickOrlando reported on Dec. 29 that Kelly accused the company of "false and deceptive advertising," and she "would not have purchased the Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins product if she knew that it did not have the detailed carvings of the mouth and/or eyes as pictured on the product label," the suit reads. She also pointed out that the White Ghost and Football candies were missing their own key details. One reviewer called the pumpkin a "monstrosity." [ClickOrlando, 12/29/2023]
— Two years ago, Paul Kerouac stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts in Winter Park, Florida, where he used the restroom, the New York Post reported. While he was indisposed, the toilet he was occupying exploded, leaving him "covered with debris, including human feces and urine," according to a lawsuit filed on Jan. 3 in Florida's 9th Judicial District. Kerouac claims the Dunkin' workers knew there was a "problem with the toilet" and says he now "requires mental health care and counseling as a direct result of the trauma he experienced in the restroom." [NY Post, 1/4/2024]
Recurring Theme
— Authorities are still fishing for a man who entered a Bass Pro Shops store in Fort Myers, Florida, on Dec. 20 and dipped a net into the indoor fishpond, capturing a 50-pound tarpon. USA Today reported that the suspect left the store with the dripping catch, and despite a cash reward and social media posts, the Lee County Sheriff's Office has not been able to identify or find him. [USA Today, 12/27/2023]
— Authorities were called to the Leeds, Alabama, Bass Pro Shops on Jan. 4 after 42-year-old George Owens of Sterrett drove a car into a pole in the parking lot, then exited the car, stripped off all his clothes and ran inside, where he did a cannonball into the aquarium. AL.com reported that Owens yelled at two police officers, then climbed over the edge of the aquarium, where he fell to the concrete floor and knocked himself out. He was charged with public lewdness among other offenses. [AL.com, 1/5/2024]
Super Freak
On Dec. 13, as a family in Arlington, Virginia, sat down to dinner, a Ring doorbell notification alerted them to someone at the door, WUSA-TV reported. The woman told her husband, "There's this guy, he didn't ring the doorbell. He's just standing there and he's in a gingerbread man costume." The husband called the police non-emergency line to report the creepy visit, and about an hour later, another neighbor, Lindsey Churchill, spotted the gingerbread man. "All of a sudden my dogs were going crazy … and there was a giant blow-up gingerbread man costume out on the sidewalk," she said. "We kind of locked eyes and the gingerbread man went on his way. It was not holly jolly." Police never actually caught up with the subject, who was not identified. [WUSA, 12/21/2023]
Getting Away From It All
— Three armed suspects were busy robbing a check-cashing business in Commerce City, Colorado, on Dec. 16 when another thief mucked up their getaway plans, 9News-TV reported. The robbers' vehicle, which was probably stolen, was outside when a woman jumped in and took off with it, leaving the teenage suspects to try to escape on foot. Police were able to capture two of them, along with loaded firearms, and arrest them. The car thief is still at large. [9News, 12/19/2023]
— In Wheat Ridge, Colorado, police caught up with a burglar on Dec. 28 who had hired an Uber for use as a getaway car, 14News-TV reported. Jose Guadalupe Perez-Gallardo was taken into custody as he approached his hired ride, carrying a backpack with $8,600 worth of stolen Milwaukee-brand tools inside. "Ordering an Uber as your getaway driver makes it that much easier for us to find you," the Wheat Ridge Police Department posted online. [14News, 1/3/2024]
Questionable Judgment
Dr. Kevin Molldrem of Eden Prairie, Minnesota, is the subject of a malpractice lawsuit filed in late December by his patient Kathleen Wilson, USA Today reported. Wilson alleges in the suit that Molldrem, during a single visit in July 2020, performed more than 30 procedures on Wilson's mouth — eight crowns, four root canals and 20 fillings — and that the work was done "improperly," resulting in her disfiguration. The lawsuit also alleges that Molldrem used twice the amount of anesthesia allowed and then falsified records to cover that dosage. Wilson is seeking more than $50,000 in damages. [USA Today, 12/28/2023]
Not on My Watch
Vancouver, British Columbia, police revealed that on Dec. 19, a 72-year-old woman successfully chased an intruder from her home with a shovel, Vancouver City News reported. A naked man broke into the victim's home with a pointed metal rod, which he swung toward her throughout the encounter. She fought back with a shovel, and "chased him out of the house and cornered him until officers arrived," police said. "Kudos to her, it was pretty badass of her, I would say," said Constable Tania Visintin. No one was injured during the incident. [Vancouver City News, 12/20/2023]
News You Can Use
We've all seen the restaurant notices about automatic gratuities added for parties of more than six or eight people. A 10-person group in South Bend, Indiana, thought they would beat the system at the Wild Crab restaurant by splitting into two groups of five, WSBT-TV reported. A manager said the group was informed that they'd be subject to the 18% gratuity, even though they were seated in different sections of the restaurant. As the party left the restaurant, someone threw crayons at the manager and pepper-sprayed them. Firefighters responded to help the victim of the pepper spray, and a police report was filed. [WSBT, 1/2/2024]
Oops
Someone missed the "Please secure all loose clothing" safety message. On Jan. 5, on the DC Rivals HyperCoaster at Movie World in Oxenford, Australia, the Mirror reported that a scarf became entangled around the wheel of one of the trains, which caused it to stop at the top of a hill. Dozens of riders were stranded, and each was given a harness and told to walk down the stairs to the load station. "All the guests on-board are safe with the ride vehicle stopped in a designated zone," Warner Bros. Movie World said in a statement. [Mirror, 1/5/2024]
LEAD STORY — Bright Idea
If you're looking for a crafty project for 2023, the online shop Savor has you covered, Slate reported. For the low, low price of $46.95, you can put together your own "In Case I Go Missing" binder, which Savor says "makes it super easy for the true-crime obsessed to record their key stats for their loved ones." Those facts include medical and financial information, fingerprints and lists of "hangout spots." One woman said she added "a hair sample just in case they need it for DNA testing." Elizabeth Jeglic, a professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, soothingly says, "The majority of adults will not go missing or be kidnapped." Her colleague Patrick McLaughlin offers some ideas for the kit, though: recent photos, the unlock code for your phone, pics of tattoos, scars or birthmarks, handwriting samples — but he warns that such binders might not be admissible as evidence. [Slate, 1/22/2023]
The Aristocrats
Wow! Things went literally and physically south on July 11 at a press dinner on New York's Upper East side in support of Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s presidential campaign. According to Page Six, as Kennedy answered questions, someone posed one about climate change, but before Kennedy could answer, Doug Dechert, the event host, screamed, "The climate hoax!" Which brought a scold from art critic Anthony Haden-Guest, who called him a "miserable blob." The two continued their exchange, with Kennedy calmly looking on, until Dechert loudly released a "prolonged fart" while yelling, helpfully, "I'm farting!" After attempts to change the subject and more verbal antics, the evening wound down. The next day, Dechert told Page Six, "I apologize for using my flatulence as a medium of public commentary in your presence." How do I get on this guest list? [Page Six, 7/12/2023]
Bright Idea
Michael Raduga, 40, founder of the Phase Research Center in Russia, but — critically — NOT a doctor or neurosurgeon, nearly lost his life in June when he tried to implant a chip in his brain on his own, in his living room in Kazakhstan. The Daily Mail reported that Raduga lost more than a liter of blood in his quest to control his dreams. He said he practiced on five sheep's brains and watched hours of neurosurgery on YouTube before starting on his own head. "During the first 30 minutes I was ready to give up many times because … I was afraid I could just lose consciousness," Raduga said. "I finished the surgery, I took a shower and I worked for 10 hours straight. People didn't know." But neurosurgeon Alex Green of the University of Oxford wasn't having it. "This is an extremely dangerous thing to do," he said. "We are probably decades away from being able to synthesize new experiences." [Daily Mail, 7/15/2023]
Weird Fashion
It's about time! Japanese garment company Takikou has developed a wearable bean bag, Oddity Central reported. "This concept was born out of the idea of a cushion that would allow you to totally let go, anytime, anywhere," said the company's Shogo Takikawa. "You can put this on and chill out in your living room or loads of other places." The bean bag is available in different sizes and colors, but it does weigh about 11 pounds (which might make you want to sit down more often). Prices range from $60 to $119. [Oddity Central, 2/14/2023]
New World Order
Tired of your John Hancock looking like a child's scribble? Priscilla Molina of Los Angeles can help with that. The Associated Press reported that Molina's business, Planet of Names, will make over anyone's signature for between $10 and $55. People seeking her service are "not happy with their signatures. They don't relate to who they are. They don't give the message they want to convey to the world," Molina said. She designs up to 300 custom signatures per month, and offers a range of styles, from elegant and artistic to … illegible. [AP, 2/28/2023]
Can't Possibly Be True
Pastor John Lindell of the James River Church in Springfield, Missouri, claimed on the congregation's livestream on March 15 that a "creative miracle" had taken place the day before at the church's Joplin location, the Springfield News-Leader reported. Lindell explained that "prayer team members" had prayed over Kristina Dines, who had had three toes amputated after her husband shot her in 2015. "As the ladies prayed for Krissy … all three toes grew, and by that point, were longer than her pinky toe," Lindell said in the livestream. "Within an hour, nails began to grow on all the toes," he added. While Dines hasn't commented to the paper, she said in a video on Twitter that she saw the toes reforming. "Listen, do you understand? I can stand on tippy toes. No, I couldn't do that (before) because I didn't have toes to tippy on," Dines said. During the livestream, Lindell also suggested to parishioners that other miracles are coming: "… some people in this room — you're gonna raise people from the dead. It's going to happen." Stay tuned. [Springfield News-Leader, 3/22/2023]
Compelling Explanation
In Dallas, grocery worker Coby Todd, 21, is sure that a "mischievous child ghost" pushed a shopping cart into his car as he was leaving work, Fox News reported on March 30. The day before, Todd had gone "ghost hunting" at a home in Frontier Village, Texas, and had sensed the presence of a "little boy" spirit, he said. He thinks the spirit followed him home and to work the next day. "Maybe he was trying to play with me," Todd said. He checked out the store's security footage to see who might have pushed the cart, and it does appear to suddenly turn and roll on its own toward Todd's car. The damage amounts to about $25,000, and Todd said "it upset me. It's not fake." [Fox News, 3/30/2023]
Creme de la Weird
The Mondaiji Con Cafe Daku (loosely translated: Problem Child Concept Cafe) in Sapporo, Japan, was forced to fire one of its waitresses in April after she was discovered to be adding her own blood to cocktails, the Daily Mail reported. The cafe owner called her actions "absolutely not acceptable" and said the establishment would close while every drinking glass was replaced. "We will hire a contractor to clean the store, change glasses and dispose of alcoholic beverages that may have been contaminated," he said. He called her actions "part-time job terrorism." A local doctor said anyone who had patronized the cafe should visit a doctor and have a blood test. [Daily Mail, 4/13/2023]
Unclear on the Concept
Jerry Martin had what he thought was a winning idea for a retail shop: The Drug Store, where people could buy cocaine, heroin, meth and MDMA that had been tested for fentanyl. Vice reported that Martin's mobile shop, in Vancouver, Canada, was open less than 24 hours when he was arrested for drug trafficking. The store, housed in a mobile trailer that Martin parked next to a police van, featured bright yellow boards with prices listed for all the drugs. Martin wore a stab-proof vest as he sold the items from behind a plexiglass window. According to him, his plan included getting arrested so that he could challenge "laws that prevent a safe supply and result in death by poisoning" in Canada's Charter of Rights and Freedoms. [Vice, 5/4/2023]
Florida
When the Brevard (Florida) Public Schools board met on May 9, the topic of dress codes came up, but it went way beyond hoodies and beachwear, ClickOrlando reported. Vice chair Megan Wright told board members that she has heard concerns about students dressing up as "furries" — people who anthropomorphize animals. District 5 Rep. Katye Campbell weighed in: "I'm not a big fan of the furry movement, but … if 'ears' means a headband with pointed ears on them, it's a hair accessory. Tails are different, and students meowing and barking at other students — that's not cool. But that's not dress code." Chairman Matt Susin said his daughter is "tired of furries" at school and the subject comes up at least once a month at his dinner table. Leave it to District 3 Rep. Jennifer Jenkins to cut through the kitty litter: "This is not rocket science … If you don't want tails on kids, just say you don't want tails." She said among middle school students, the new thing is barking and meowing at each other, unrelated to furry costumes: "It's weird, but they're doing it." [ClickOrlando, 5/11/2023]
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