How the U.S. women's water polo team has bonded following personal tragedies
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Emily Kaplan, ESPN
PARIS — As captain of the U.S. women’s water polo team, which is building one of the Olympics’ greatest dynasties, Maggie Steffens, 31, prides herself on laser focus. When she’s at the Olympics, she’s in her bubble. It’s her, her teammates and the pool.
But just days before the opening ceremony in Paris, Steffens received devastating news. Her sister-in-law, Lulu Conner, died unexpectedly from a medical emergency while in Paris to cheer her on. Conner was 26.
“Lulu has been like a little sister to me for eight years,” Steffens said. “She brought joy to everyone around her. I also love that she brought people together, that’s what she was about.”
Steffens was in a state of shock, struggling to comprehend the incomprehensible, all ahead of a legacy-defining tournament. Her coach, Adam Krikorian, had one piece of advice: Leave the Olympic Village and meet your family when they arrive at the airport.
On the ride over, Steffens was texting her teammates. “This is also my family, those are my sisters,” Steffens said. “And I told them, ‘I feel like I’m about to play in my first Olympic game ever.’ Just the adrenaline of that moment, and wanting to make sure I could be there for them and give them that hug and be strong for them in that moment.”
Unfortunately, Krikorian knew all too well what someone in Steffens’ position may need at that moment. Eight years ago, it was him. And on the team, they’re not alone.
“It’s been really painful watching what Maggie is experiencing,” goaltender Ashleigh Johnson said. “But unfortunately on this team, we’ve had a lot of practice supporting each other.”
THE TEAM HAS ENJOYED unparalleled success, which could be punctuated in Paris if it wins its fourth straight gold medal. Team USA has lost just two Olympic games over the past 12 years. The only constants from the 2012 London team to now are Krikorian and Steffens.
The 2024 team is also experiencing unprecedented attention. Steffens, who plays professionally in Spain, posted on social media in May about the fact many of her teammates have to take second or third jobs to make ends meet — and help fund nutrition, training and travel costs. That caught the eye of Flavor Flav, who became the team’s unofficial hype man and official benefactor, donating an undisclosed amount of money for a five-year sponsorship deal. Flavor Flav has been to all of the Olympic matches so far and has brought along First Lady Jill Biden, Spike Lee and priceless exposure.
With the brighter spotlight they’ve craved for so long, the Americans are fixated on narrowing their focus.
“Maggie and myself are the only two that have been around from start to finish, so for us to talk about going for four is incredibly selfish,” Krikorian said. “They weren’t there with us. Half the team is trying to do this for the first time. There were people who wore the cap who never stood on the podium, and we honor them as much as those here today. To frame it that way helps us stay in the moment.”
Staying present is a guiding force for Krikorian as a coach.
“With adversity, it can either tear you apart or put you together,” Krikorian said. “It obviously gives you perspective, but it also makes you appreciate the journey. Sometimes you lose that in this journey. We get so competitive. We want to win, so bad. We want to be the best in the world. That brings extra pressure. Then something like this happens, that’s so tragic, and it brings you back to Earth and your feet are a little heavier on the ground. You get a sense of just how lucky you are to be here.”
On the day Conner died, Krikorian looked at his phone and saw three missed calls from his assistant coach, Molly Cahill. Anytime Krikorian sees multiple calls from the same person, he freezes.
“Sometimes it’s just my wife trying to get a hold of me because I forgot to do the dishes,” he said. “But anytime that happens, my mind immediately goes there.”
That place is Krikorian’s deepest trauma.
Two days before the opening ceremony at the 2016 Rio Olympics, Krikorian learned that his older brother Blake had died. Krikorian called Blake his mentor, role model and best friend. Blake, 46, suffered a heart attack while surfing, leaving behind his college sweetheart, two daughters and a grief-stricken family.
Krikorian flew home to California for three days. He missed one Olympic game, before rejoining the team in Brazil. Looking back now with the perspective of time, Krikorian pauses.
“It’s wild, and it’s still fresh, it’s super emotional — obviously I wish he was still here, but it was also beautiful. It was a beautiful two weeks,” Krikorian said. “I don’t know if I had those same thoughts, three or four years ago, recognizing the beauty in the situation. But it really was, because of those memories that come flooding back that bring you back to your childhood.
“It brought our group closer. The care they showed for me and what they did to support me at that time. But then there were moments where the pain in your heart is indescribable. You just wish nobody had to experience that, but unfortunately it’s part of life.”
KRIKORIAN AND STEFFENS aren’t the only ones who have experienced challenges. Three-time Olympian Maddie Musselman is supported in Paris by her husband, Pat. The couple met in 2022. In 2023, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. Four days later, with their worlds upended, they got married — relying on their network of support.
“I think we’re lucky we have all of us on this team who have gone through different things,” Musselman said. “And with Maggie, she’s voiced how she wants to be supported.”
Steffen’s request in Paris: She just wants to be around her teammates. She doesn’t want to spend time alone. Her leadership style is defined by that type of concise communication.
“She’s essential. She’s the voice that guides that team,” Johnson said of Steffens. “You can literally hear in the water, you can hear it all the time. She anchors us through our plan and helps develop the plan. Trust is one of our team values, but she embodies it every day the way she approaches, knows and loves the game. It reminds me of why I play.”
The Americans are through to the quarterfinals, but the tournament hasn’t been easy. They suffered a rare loss in group play to Spain — which executed a near perfect game plan against the U.S.
Steffens has a clear sense of what the team needs. “Spain outplayed us tremendously,” she said bluntly after the team bounced back with a 10-3 throttling of Italy. She talked about reminding her teammates to make the right play. When asked how she was dealing with her personal tragedy, Steffens pointed to one word: teamwork.
“These are tough trying times, but so are the Olympics and everybody always has something,” Steffens said. “So I’m really grateful I have my teammates here to support me. We have a huge superteam behind Lulu, making sure we can make sure we shine her light as bright as possible.”
