I'm 16 weeks pregnant — orgasms feel so weird now – Metro.co.uk
NEWS… BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Kate*, a 36-year-old who lives with her partner of three years, and is expecting their first child in September.
‘We haven’t been together that long in the grand scheme of things,’ says Kate.
‘Happily, we got pregnant within the first few months of trying, but it still felt very quick. So, we did talk about how important it is for us to still remain connected and sensual with each other, while I was pregnant.’
Kate wasn’t sure how pregnancy would affect her, but says that starting a family in the latter part of the thirties is great because so many of her friends have already done it, so she has lots of people to call on for advice.
‘You can ask all the gory questions, including how their sex life was impacted,’ she says.
Kate is now in her second trimester and feels ‘very fortunate and lucky to be able to have a child so easily’.
But a top priority is keeping the spark with her partner Andy*, during pregnancy and after their baby is born.
Without further ado, here’s how Kate got on this week…
The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.
I’m sixteen weeks pregnant today and Andy and I are so relieved to be past the 12 week mark and into the second trimester.
The first trimester of my pregnancy wasn’t very conducive to lots of sex, I felt very nauseous most days. I wasn’t actively sick at all, but felt rough with lots of dull headaches – a bit like having a 12-week hangover.
As such, we only got naked a couple of times. Andy has been very respectful and always asked how I felt, or waited for me to initiate sex if I did fancy it. The couple of times we did do it were quite surprising – one of the days I went from having a cry about how rubbish I felt, to a couple of hours later feeling incredibly horny and initiating some nice, gentle sex.
You feel very vulnerable and delicate during the first trimester, so even when it happens you are always half turned-on, half worrying about disrupting the pregnancy. Still, we did manage to achieve a few orgasms, which was better than I thought we’d do.
Today though, we don’t have sex. I’m craving pepperoni pizza, so we order a huge one and get into bed by 9.30pm. Pizza bloat plus pregnancy tiredness does not equal a steamy night of passion.
Before we got pregnant, Andy and I had plenty of sex. We’d both experienced a mixed bag sexually in previous relationships – him in a very long term relationship where the sex kind of dried up, me single for a few years with some disappointing one night stands.
So, when we met, we found we were very sexually compatible, with the trust and intimacy of falling in love resulting in some of the best sex of my life.
We’re big fans of some Sunday afternoon delight, and would also loved passionate sex sessions after dressing up and going out for dinner on a Friday or Saturday night.
But today, a Tuesday in the second-trimester, we do not have sex. We’re both at work during the day and I’m out in the evening.
I can barely get through a work day without feeling knackered, so after any kind of evening out, I’m only interested in getting into my long, soft PJs and passing out. We spoon for a bit before I fall asleep at 10pm.
Finally, a sex day! They don’t call it Hump Day for nothing. It’s unusually sunny and I spend some of my working-from-home day lying out in the garden, getting some rays.
As Andy well knows, I’m somewhat ‘solar powered’ when it comes to feeling frisky, and often want to get naked after a day in the sun.
That night, after dinner, we get a bit cuddly on the sofa and I initiate some foreplay. Andy is of course delighted and up for it (it’s been rather a dry spell compared to the rest of our relationship).
Though no medical experts necessarily advise against it, rougher sex has gone out the window during my pregnancy. Missionary, loving looks and slow moves all feel more natural and avoid any worry.
Orgasms are weird during pregnancy: while I find it easy to switch off my ‘expectant mum brain’ during the act, you do get mild cramp-like feelings after an orgasm, which can be unsettling, but I’m used to it at this stage.
We are starting to talk about what it will be like when the baby comes.
One thing we are hyper-focused on is not having a culture where our toddler and small child keeps coming back into our bedroom into their early or school years – something we have heard a lot about from friends who are parents.
It sounds heartless, but we really value our bedroom as a bubble of intimacy and peace, so after the initial baby-in-the-room months, we’re really going to focus our efforts on making their bedroom somewhere they want to be, and going and soothing them in there rather than having them into our bed.
Today we don’t have sex. Predictably, I’m tired and craving a huge carby meal in the evening.
We haven’t been out much since we got pregnant (I find long evenings out slightly boring being completely teetotal) but I think about planning a nice date with some good food, in the hope that we can sex things up.
Andy goes out for a lads’ night and I feel unexpectedly frisky. I have masturbated a few times since being pregnant, and it’s been an odd, but very sexy, experience.
Strangely, I feel more guilt and shame around masturbating pregnant than having sex with my partner pregnant – honestly, I’m not really sure why. Perhaps because it feels like a decadent, self-indulgent thing to do?
I don’t usually feel much shame or anxiety around sex in my non-pregnant life, so it’s an interesting dilemma.
On my own in the house, I light a scented candle and give myself some much-needed self-loving. I try to zone out from wholesome pregnancy thoughts and get into my fantasies. It’s tricky, but I get there in the end.
As an added bonus, I have the best night’s sleep in some time.
Today, I’m having some uncomfortable stabbing pains around my abdomen and – as every pregnant woman does – get anxious and fearful about miscarriage.
I’ve suffered one before this pregnancy and I know the cramps were very severe, so I try to read the advice about the ‘growing pains’ around the uterus being normal.
One of the most annoying things about being pregnant is medical advice (and strangers) policing everything you eat, drink and do.
Lots of the things that usually relax me, from hot baths to herbal tea, have rules around them and can be linked to miscarriage. For the millionth time while pregnant, I feel angry that I can’t just have a hot bath in peace without worrying about hurting the baby.
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I go for a walk and we watch a movie back at home to take my mind off it. Needless to say, we don’t have sex.
We enjoy a long, luxurious lie-in. Andy feels turned on and I happily oblige him with a rather lazy hand job. He reciprocates with some 10/10 oral sex.
I always feel more connected to him when we’re able to really spend some time touching and giving each other pleasure – it’s hard to feel so bonded when you’re filled with worries about the expense and health of your future baby.
I’m second-fiddle to everything my partner does – are we drifting apart?
We don’t force these moments but we do grab them with both hands (and our tongues) when they arise. I’m really hopeful we can carry on a healthy sex life into early parenthood with the same approach.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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