Woman slates pal's 'strange' list of rules for visiting newborn – including outfit change – The Mirror
A woman has been left baffled by her friend’s strict list of rules for visiting her newborn baby and after sharing them online, they’ve been met with a mixed reaction
When people come to visit a new baby, it's such a special occasion to welcome new life into this world, and we all have our preferences as to how guests might behave when they come over. Usually, it's as simple as having them take off their shoes when they enter the door. But for one mum, she set out a long list of rules to follow in order for people to visit her baby.
Taking to Mumsnet, one woman recounted how her friend – who had just given birth – sent out a list of rules for them to follow before visiting. The list included but was not limited to: "No visitors for at least 10 days. No advice to be given by visitors or sharing their experiences. Only stay for an hour. Visits to be arranged in advance to fit around breastfeeding."
There were even stricter guidelines for being around the baby, like "get changed if vaping or smoking. You probably won't get to hold the baby. Don't kiss baby. Give baby back immediately to mum if crying." And the new parents also included an Amazon gift list people could contribute to if they wished.
The friend was baffled by the list, feeling hurt by the extensive guidelines. "I was really looking forward to going round to this friend's house as we are super close, but now I will worry about saying the wrong thing, or offering unwanted advice. What if the baby is eating its hands or nuzzling – do I give them back to my friend and say they're hungry, or will she be offended because she'll take it as unwanted advice?"
She then expressed how parenting advice had helped her as a mother. "I have three kinds and breastfed them all, but I didn't produce enough milk when I had the first. If someone else hadn't told me about cluster feeding to get the milk supply going, I might have given up. I could never have arranged times for people to visit around breastfeeding because it just doesn't work like that with many breastfed babies. When I had my kids, I wanted to share my happiness… I find it strange when people produce lists like this or don't want others holding their babies." She recounted her own horrible experience of labour, which included a caesarean and a baby in the NICU.
"This friend came round my house loads when my babies were small and used to stay all day and evening. I never minded, I thought it was lovely she took such an interest in my kids. But now she won't let anyone stay more than an hour. I think I might stay away and not have the same relationship with her kids as she's had with mine. I'm too worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, and I feel like I am not really wanted there."
Mums across the site shared their thoughts on her friend's list. Many were appalled at the idea of this list, suggesting she just not bother going. "That is a bizarre list. I'd be steering well clear until they are able to chill out a bit! It's a baby, not a museum exhibit", one woman offered. Another parent asked: "Is it the husband being weird/controlling or do you think she actually wanted that message sent out? Did he send the message before or after they had the baby? It actually makes me laugh that there are so many rules and even a prescribed gift list! What did you reply? I think I would say 'I was assuming X would just let me know when she wanted me to come round and is ready for visitors. I've already brought a gift for the baby but I'll save it for another baby and have a look at your Amazon list.'"
While a different user offered a more open-minded perspective: "I'd be worried for my friend. Her husband has sent that out because of her stress levels. I'd call him and see if they're OK, especially if as you say you're 'super close'. Why would your first response be to take offence?"
What do you think of the list? Let us know in the comments below.
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