Friday, November 22, 2024
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The lapsed fan's guide to 2023 WWE Survivor Series

As a service to fans who have a general interest in WWE but might not have watched a match in months, we’re happy to provide this FAQ as a guide to Survivor Series: WarGames, scheduled for Saturday, Nov 25 at 8 p.m. at Allstate Arena in Rosemont, Illinois.

Wait… What is WarGames again?

Besides an excuse for Cody Rhodes to slather on camouflage face paint as if Stardust joined the Navy SEALs? WarGames is a match featuring side-by-side rings encased in a solid steel cage. It was created by Cody’s pops, Dusty Rhodes, in 1987 for the NWA and inspired a namesake annual event in NXT from 2017-21.

It’s a great gimmick for Survivor Series, which pits frequently mismatched teams of five against each other. There’s nothing like the weeks leading up to the event, when you’re watching 10 people staring menacingly at each other from opposite sides of the ring apron, ready to fight, until an authority figure steps in to say, “Whoa whoa whoa … save it for WARGAMES (crowd pops)!”

Plus, it will be fun to watch Randy Orton give someone an RKO that spans two rings after 18 months on the shelf.

Randy Orton’s back? The “Apex Predator” himself?

Orton was announced as the fifth member of Cody’s team. It also features “Main Event” Jey Uso, who has adopted “YEET” as a catchphrase, to the delight of Vine stars from 2014; the always entertaining Sami Zayn; and world Heavyweight champion Seth “Freakin” Rollins, which you’ll recall was a new title that the WWE invented in lieu of asking Roman Reigns to take an ‘L’ at any point in the last four years.

To put a time stamp on how long Orton’s been out of action: He last wrestled on the May 20, 2022, edition of SmackDown, teaming up with Matt Riddle (no longer with the company) against Jey and Jimmy Uso (no longer “family”). Orton had fusion surgery to repair an injured back.

Rhodes announced on this week’s Monday Night Raw that his former partner in “The Legacy” faction would return to fight alongside his WarGames teammates. Because, as we all know, there’s no one more trustworthy than Randy Orton. In case it didn’t come through clear enough, that was sarcastic.

Who is Team Cody facing in WarGames?

First off, what happened? We used to make things in this country. Cody’s team doesn’t even have a cool Survivor Series team name like “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan’s 4x4s or The Foreign Fanatics, who had one member from that mysterious land called Hawaii. Where are “Cody’s Commandos?” Or “Rhodes’ Scholars?”

Team Cody is facing The Judgment Day in the men’s WarGames match. As a refresher, Judgment Day features Finn Bálor, who was considered the faction’s leader; Damian Priest, who recently declared that he’s actually the faction’s leader, drawing a nasty look from Bálor; “Dirty” Dominik Mysterio, whose muse Rhea Ripley is probably the faction’s leader; and JD McDonagh, who I believe was their intern.

Drew McIntyre will join them for the match, having gone full heel for the first time in three years after costing Rhodes and Uso a chance to win the tag titles from Balor and Priest. D-Mac also recently wrestled Rollins for the heavyweight title.

As usual, half the fun in these Survivor Series matches are all the angles that culminate — or continue — during the event. It’s like the Charlie Day “photos and strings” conspiracy theory wall, except we’re trying to figure out why Randy Orton cares about JD McDonagh.

The feud itself has gone from “Well, Cody and Jey need something to do while Roman’s away” to being something worthy of a main event. Add in The Judgment Day’s internal tensions, and it’s a compelling one at that.

What’s Rhea Ripley doing since she’s not part of this WarGames match?

The reigning Women’s World Champion faces Zoey Stark, whom you may remember as Trish Stratus’ protégé during her feud with Becky Lynch. She earned this title shot by winning a 15-woman Battle Royale, which has always felt like an insufficient way to determine a No. 1 contender if we’re being honest. Like, does the 15th-best person in the match deserve the chance to wrestle for a world title? Who’s booking this, the NCAA selection committee?

Stark has ascended quickly this year on RAW. It helps when you have an innovative move that fans anticipate: In Stark’s case, it’s the “Z-360,” in which she rotates her opponent in a giant circle before dropping them with a “Go To Sleep” knee lift. It’s fun!

She delivered one to Ripley during a Fatal 5-Way at WWE Crown Jewel but couldn’t score the win, thanks to another opponent breaking up the pin. Can she hit it again on Ripley? Probably. Will Ripley kick out because she’s Rhea Ripley? Undoubtedly.

Who is competing in the women’s WarGames match?

Damage CTRL is one of those factions that’s only been around since July 2022, but whose ubiquitous presence in angles makes it feel much older than that. It’s the group led by Bayley, whose original members were Dakota Kai and Iyo Sky — sorry, IYO SKY — according to the WWE style guide.

The group was recently repowered by two new additions: Kairi Sane, who made a shocking return to the WWE from Japan to help SKY retain her women’s title against Bianca Belair at Crown Jewel; and Asuka, who refused to tag Belair during a match before spraying her with the green mist and attacking her. Bianca Belair is probably not the biggest Damage CTRL fan!

Now, stop me if you’ve heard this one before — say, like a minute ago in this very column — but the heel faction in a WarGames match is having some internal conflict about who the real leader is. Bayley is a little concerned that SKY and Kai are a little too cozy with Sane, who has some history with Bayley. Everything seems pretty peaceful … for now.

Belair has been aligned with Shotzi and Charlotte Flair, who is doing one of those “joining forces with my rivals to take on a common enemy” things. Case in point: Flair is also teaming with Lynch, who was revealed as the fourth member of the WarGames team after Damage CTRL jumped and pummeled a series of other candidates.

Flair and Lynch have history. A lot of history. But that’s what makes this partnership an unexpected joy: Before they were beating the snot out of each other for WWE titles, Flair and Lynch were cornerstone members of the “Divas Revolution.” This is a bittersweet reteaming … that probably won’t end well.

Anyway, this WarGames match should be outstanding, with incredibly skilled participants, a metric ton of animosity and internal storyline dynamics that could put both teams in jeopardy.

And if there’s one place Becky Lynch doesn’t ever want to be again, it’s “Jeopardy.” (Becky Lynch, a.k.a. “Becky No Buzzers.”)

Does this card even need any other matches?

C’mon, something has to pad out the running time. Like for example, Carlito vs. Santos Escobar. Yes, Carlito: The same one that made his debut in 2004, was known for spitting chewed apple in opponent’s faces and made a “Wow, is that Carlito?” nostalgia appearance in the 2021 Royal Rumble.

He returned at Backlash to help Bad Bunny in a “San Juan Street Fight” with Damian Priest and eventually signed up with the Latino World Order (LWO) faction.

The LWO fractured recently after Logan Paul defeated Rey Mysterio, for the U.S. title at Crown Jewel. Escobar intercepted a pair of brass knuckles from a member of Paul’s team but then curiously left them in the ring so Paul could use them on Rey and take the title.

Carlito was all “j’accuse!” in confronting Escobar, and Santos was like, “Yup, I’m evil!” by attacking the LWO. So, the grudge match was set at Survivor Series. No title on the line. Just straight-up retribution.

Wait, did you say Logan Paul is a WWE champion?

The YouTube star and energy drink baron won his first WWE title and now joins iconic previous U.S. champions like Eddie Guerrero, Bret Hart and Santino Marella. Paul celebrated the win by refusing to remove the belt from his body, leading to a viral photo featuring Paul wearing nothing but the strap in the shower.

Some may bristle at the notion that Paul, a part-time WWE superstar, now holds a championship whose roots can be traced back to mid-1970s. But Paul’s combination of in-ring athleticism and swagger has made him the rare crossover talent that seems like he was born to be in the squared circle.

Case in point: After Gunther recently expressed an interest in wrestling him, Paul responded on social media: “Get in line.”

Speaking of Gunther, what’s up with his title reign?

It’s still going, and at Survivor Series, Gunther is putting his Intercontinental title up against The Miz, who is trying to tie the WWE record for most IC title wins with nine.

It’s here where we have to pull back the curtain a bit. A few weeks ago on RAW, The Miz took part in a No. 1 contender match against Ivar, Bronson Reed and Ricochet. At the end of the match, Miz had Reed pinned while Ivar had Ricochet pinned. According to reports, the ending was supposed to be a double-pinfall … but Ricochet kicked out. Wrestling insider Dave Meltzer reported that Ricochet had suffered a concussion earlier in the match, which could have led to the botched finish.

This led to Miz and Ivar meeting anyway, without the intended “double pin” controversy, which Miz won thanks to a distraction from Reed. Long story short, we got to the place where this was headed: Gunther trying to extend his IC title streak (531 days as of Survivor Series) against Miz.

In a recent segment, Gunther said the only place Miz belongs was on the other side of the guard rail “with all those other weirdos,” which is no way to talk about previous casts of “The Real World.” Miz has played the underdog role well in the run-up to this match — including a low-blow-into-skull-crushing-finale that had the RAW crowd popping this week — and should have the support of the Chicago faithful.

Wait, a wrestling event in Chicago? Does that mean …

Look, rumors about the return of CM Punk to WWE were sparked the moment he apparently split with rival company AEW. The fact that Survivor Series is being held in suburban Chicago has done nothing to discourage that speculation. Fans have been trying to mine his Instagram posts for clues like they’re Taylor Swift lyrics. Everyone has a theory. OK, everyone who still obsesses over the career of CM Punk has a theory.

Many wrestling news publications have reported anonymous denials from within WWE regarding any interest in bringing Punk back, especially after the extreme messiness of his breakup with AEW. But we would be remiss if we didn’t at least nod at the possibility of such an unexpected reunion, and the epic moment it would create.

It’s Survivor Series. Stranger things have happened. And by that, we mean the Gobbledy Gooker.


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