The Offbeat: Your week in weird news – The Arizona Republic
Here at the Offbeat, a hermetically sealed bunker hidden deep in the Sonoran Desert stocked with a year’s supply of Cheetos and Mountain Dew, we scan the wires and local reports 24/7 for news of the strange. The bizarre. The unexpected.
Using our exclusive, proprietary algorithms developed by a team of interns who binge-watched an entire season of “Numbers,” we calculate the Weird Quotient of the week’s news and come up with the top five. It’s our way of saying, “Hey, you. You’ve made it to another Friday. Good job. Here’s a little something extra.”
You’re very welcome.
Stacy Pincus is an Illinois woman who has had it up to here with Starbucks charging you Trenta dollars but giving you only Venti coffee.
Pincus’ suit complains that the volume of ice in iced drinks defrauds customers who expect 30 ounces of coffee when they buy 30 ounces of coffee, dagnabit all to heck.
Starbucks, in its response, underscored the word “ice” in “iced coffee,” passive-aggressively offered to make her another drink if she wants or whatever, then quietly set company food scientists to work on the first $8 coffee pop.
Arizona Diamondbacks management invited the world to bring its watchdogs and pocket pooches, Fidos and Arlos, leashes and twee puppy prams, all so it could claim the eternal Guinness glory of having gathered the most dogs in one spot for a sporting event.
It failed.
Bad, D-Backs! Bad!
Only 858 dogs were officially counted. Which completely obliterated the previous record set by Puppy Bowl XII. But the stiffs at Guinness said it didn’t count if the number was less than 1,000.
Authorities shut down traffic on Interstate 17 this week when they spotted two people lying on top of a pedestrian bridge over the freeway.
Officials feared a potential jumper situation, but according to Arizona Department of Transportation cameras, it appears the couple were just looking for an uncomfortable place to cuddle. As you do.
Michael Anderson, 34, and Magenta Montante, 24, were cited by troopers on suspicion of criminal trespassing and obstructing the highway and were allowed to leave.
On Monday, Dwayne Johnson, a world treasure carved from an unusually charismatic vein of self-aware obsidian, announced the release of the Rock Clock, a free mobile app and motivational alarm clock and the latest offering from his lifestyle brand, Project Rock.
The app allows users to enter time-sensitive goals and set morning alarms with specialized ringtones — including the Rock singing “Good Morning, Sunshine.”
In the timber word, T&A generally stands for teaks and ash.
But Prescott firefighter and lumberjack cosplay enthusiast Tim Wilson gave his profession a saucy twist when he posed for a series of boudoir-inspired photos for photographer Chad Castigliano that are sure to have you humming this song for the rest of the day.
Wilson, wearing shorty-shorts, suspenders and steel-toed boots for safety, took sexism to the woodshed when he lampooned gender stereotypes with his series of “dudeoir” pics sold in calendar, mug and women’s-underwear form to benefit charity. “We thought it was fun and comedic, but there’s a serious side to it when it comes to body shaming,” Castigliano said.
