Arizona Cardinals hired Michael Scott, not Jonathan Gannon (Video)

New Arizona Cardinals head coach Jonathan Gannon is the NFL’s version of Michael Scott.

The Arizona Cardinals had a fun first day at The Office with new head coach Jonathan Gannon, and most definitely not Michael Scott.

We are not minutes to midnight in the Valley of the Sun, we are at Threat Level Midnight (pew, pew, pew!). Michael “Scarn” Bidwill surprised everyone by bringing over this top salesman from Pennsylvania to run his operation. Gannon fits the canon of being the World’s Best Boss. Not only does he have a franchise quarterback in Kyler Murray, he has a “Big Ole Guard” in Will Hernandez.

Just wait until Gannon declares bankruptcy at the podium somewhere around Season 3 on the job.

Jonathan Gannon takes over Arizona Cardinals like it is the Scranton office

This isn’t the Peter principle per se, but Peter Piper did pick a peck of pickled peppers over on Schrute Farms. Whether it have been paid for in Schrute Bucks, Stanley Nickels or some other fiat currency, it doesn’t really matter. It’s all about making that paper selling paper to get those butts in those seats. “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take” – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott.

Few places are better equipped to ride around in a 2004 Chrysler Sebring convertible than in Phoenix, Arizona. The weather is great, the vibes are tremendous and you can have all the Filet O Fishes you want between now and Easter because Lent’s a thing, man. Otherwise, you are going to look like native Phoenician Ari Wasserman coming back from a bad weekend over in Las Vegas.

Filet O Fishes are delicious and I will probably have two of them for dinner. Man’s gotta eat, dawg!

For now, Gannon is waking up every morning to the sizzling sound of bacon. It’s good to be the king. But one bad week at The Office after another may result in you hopping off the bed and burning your toes to a crisp on the trusty George Foreman when you least expect it. You can’t go on IR when you get to sit in the big chair. You can’t forget about Scott’s Tots; they depend on you!

Overall, nobody is going to care how many Jim Halpert side eyes Gannon may get, so long as the Cardinals win more games. He did serve under a man who uses rock, paper, scissors to measure competitiveness and probably solve diplomatic issues. If he can get the Stanley Hudsons of the world to stop with the eye rolls and sprint to the huddle like it is Pretzel Day, we are in for a treat!

We can only hope Gannon’s Ryan Howard does not play Call of Duty from inside his closet office.