Headline dump written by lots of funny people – Miami Student
Breaking News: the “Campus Climate” is a tornado
Oxford Dictionary redefines the word, “willpower” as “the power of Will Weisman”
About 34% of Make it Miami students say they choose Miami because fraternities threw Fireball shooters at them during their tours
Millennials tired of being called Millennials try to get word “Millennials” recognized as a slur
Student refuses to attend class after tornado passes: “What if it comes back?”
Wicked Witch of the West pays a visit to Helen Peabody
Exclusive: George Santos opens up about his time at Farmer School of Business
Woman who is proposed to under Upham Arch tells fiance to “Grow up” and “Stop wearing your frat pin, you’re 34”
Humor editors rejoice with addition of new writers; have more time to focus on finding girlfriends
New Humor writers find that writing jokes will not get them girlfriends or increase Rizz
OPINION: Thought I was depressed, turns out I just hate the cold
Is Punxsutawney Phil spreading fake news? Weather reports show “6 more weeks of winter” was a lie
Oxford Police just obtained a fake ID-sniffing K9; underclassmen everywhere terrified
Gym Bros celebrate that the New Year’s rush has finally ended by literally throwing the weights around
Mirror pics at the Rec down 55% in February as people abandon New Year's Resolutions
Miami Dining chili cookoff leads to thousands of dollars of plumbing damage
Miami students cut back on drinking expenses to save up for March Madness gambling
Tornado reveals in exclusive interview that it was “bribed by several leading greek life members” to avoid hitting Uptown Oxford
Brick Street revealed to be power-washing the floor twice as often after Miami’s second semester sex week wraps up
OPINION: Maybe the real tornado was the friends we made along the way
To the surprise of nobody, humor writers don’t take part in sex week
As midterms begin, online tic-tac-toe and chess game rates drop across Miami
john1595@miamioh.edu
radwanat@miradwanat@miamioh.edu
oviattcc@miamioh.edu
wahllm@miamioh.edu
patteemj@miamioh.edu
sulli293@miamioh.edu
It’s spooky season for a reason.
Just because the presidential election is over doesn’t mean we have to believe the results are real! These candidates are better served to be in office.
Tune into part II of Connor’s worst life experience.
